


Losing My Head

by ExceedinglyRegular (DrakeRamorayIII)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Secret Crush, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:04:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakeRamorayIII/pseuds/ExceedinglyRegular
Summary: Shane Madej. 80% leg. Video producer and half-hearted ghost hunter. Also, an actual mind-reader.Out of nowhere, Shane starts hearing the voices in other people's heads in his own head. It's all fun and games until he sees things that he can't unsee.





	1. Poison

# Chapter 1 - Poison

Damn it.

"RYAN!" Shane punches Ryan in the arm, and start shaking him violently with both hands. As expected, Ryan begins to wake up.

"What?!" Ryan harshly whispers, clearly still groggy. "I was having such a good dream."

Shane lowers his volume to match Ryan. "Yeah, of course you were." He replies, venom dripping from his words. "You- you were..." Unable come up with a decent lie, Shane sends his arms flying wildly in every direction except for Ryan's face. The idea suddenly snaps into place in his brain, and he stops moving. "Flailing. You were flailing."

Ryan at least has the decency to look embarrassed and apologetic, his cheeks turns a bright pink.

"Was I? Uh... sorry about that." Ryan looks earnestly over at Shane, whose arms are still up, hovering above his head. Ryan suddenly breaks eye contact and shifts in his sleeping bag, turning his body away from Shane.

Shane brings his arms down to his side and bite down on his lower lip. What now?

* * *

It's the party of the century, or at least, it wants to be. The sheer opulence exuding from the decor only serves to amplify the already-immense vastness of the mansion. The planning committee must've had a field day with this.

Shane pushes through the crowded lobby and into what appears to be a ballroom. The people in here have drinks in their hands, so there must be a bar nearby or something of that sort. Shane is about to move further in when a tug on his sleeve stops him.

"Oh. Jen! You found me." Shane grins at his friend, who is all decked out in a clean button-down and a snazzy blazer, her hair styled in a spiky updo that's so her.

"You're not that hard to find, you human lighthouse." Jen flashes a playful smile. "Wanna get drinks?"

"That's the plan." Shane sticks out his arm for Jen, which she happily accepts. The duo then make their way over to where the crowd is thickest, that's where the action should be.

Sure enough, that's exactly where the bar is. And get this, it had not one, not three... but TWO entire bartenders! They also appears to be masters of their craft as the drinks just keep flowing despite the endless crowds.

"We're not gonna make it through." Jen posits as she scrutinized the sea of people. "That suuuuucks... I need a drink!"

"Wait here." Shane gestures to a marble pillar two feet to their left. "I shall use my abilities as a human lighthouse to procure us some alcohol." Jen merely chuckles before waving him to go.

Shane slips through the throngs of people, using his height as leverage. Most of the partygoers actually make way for him, possibly intimidated by his imposing stature. He finally makes it to the very front.

There are only a few pre-selected drink options, none of which are particularly interesting to Shane. On the bright side, there's no limit to how many he can take. This is gonna be a fun night. He grabs two drinks, an unnervingly crimson red concoction and a neon blue one that might actually be radioactive, and heads back to the pillar.

"Pick your poison." Shane holds the two glasses out in front of him. Jen hesitates for a moment before reaching for the glowing blue drink. She makes a confused face as she takes the glass from Shane. "Don't ask, I don't know what it is."

"As long as it gets me drunk, who cares?" 

"Fair point." They cheers their drinks, and Shane takes a sip of his, finding that it smells deceptively sweet. The taste however, is absolutely nothing like what he imagined. It's also strangely complex. The drink burns and chills his throat at the same time and has hints of various tropical fruits that Shane can't quite name. And the aftertaste, oh man, it's unlike anything he has ever tasted... unusual even for a cocktail but not wholly unpleasant.

One hour and seven drinks (eight? nine? he lost count) later, Shane is rambling on and on about his dumb crush on Ryan. Yes, that Ryan... the ghost-hunting extraordinaire with a flair for jumping at shadows. It's a good thing that Jen is the only other BuzzFeeder around (and she already knew) because Shane couldn't control himself when he started and still can't control himself, which means he can't stop. He shudders to think what would happen if the word got back round to Ryan.

Shane's suddenly feeling a little woozy, it must be the alcohol. Woah. The entire room is tilting, he's seeing double... triple... The thumping bass of the music is now crushing his ribs and threatening to burst out his chest.

Colors. Colors. Blur. Shadows. His limbs go noodly and are rebelling against his command over them. He can feel his body tipping over backwards. Then his ears give in to the caving pressure put on his eardrums, it sounds like he's underwater. Shane knows for certain that he isn't but he can't help gasping for air.

A figure looms over him and leans in close. It appears to be Jen but Shane is unable to positively identify them in his current state. It could've been John Mulaney for all he knows. 

Shane feels hands pushing his upper back, shifting him into a sitting position. Then the pressure in his ears popped and somehow this is much worse. All the sounds that were denied entrance come rushing in. There are too many voices, too many noises. His head hurts, it's like his brain is being squeezed inside his skull, getting juiced for all it's worth. There's a phantom force on his forehead, pushing him down towards the floor.

"...outside..." Shane surprised himself with being able to even get a single word out. 

There are two pairs of hands on him now, slowly guiding him. He doesn't know where they're headed. After what felt like an eternity later, a wave of cold air slaps him across the face. Shane can feel his senses slowly returning to him.

"You gonna be okay handling him for a bit?" TJ? When did he show up? "I gotta go but I'll be right back." Jen slowly guides Shane over to a bench, he feels a sense of stability anchoring him as he sits down. He wipes the sweat off his forehead, he feels insanely sticky and disgusting.

 _"Wonder were TJ when off to..."_ Jen asks, and Shane simply shrugs in response. Not in the mood to speculate over such insignificant things.

"You okay? Feeling better?" 

"Yeah... I don't know what happened back there." He really doesn't, it's not like anything he had experience before. Jen, however, has some very different opinions.

 _"You drank too much, duh..."_ Shane has to use all his willpower to stop his eyes from rolling just in case it makes things worse.

"Don't think so..." Shane mumbles, Jen doesn't seem to be able to keep up with the program.

"What? Don't think what?"

"I don't think it was the alcohol," Shane replies, this time with a little more force in his voice. "I'm not drunk."

"Okay." Jen's rubbing circles into his back and it's more soothing than he cares to admit. _"Should I call Ryan?"_

"No, don't." It's not that he doesn't want to see Ryan, far from it... but he doesn't want to bother him, he skipped on this party for a reason. Plus, Ryan's a worrier and could easily spiral into something nasty from a simple phone call like that.

"Don't what?" Shane looks up at Jen, she's looking honestly confused and Shane groans. He's not up for these games.

"Don't call Ryan..." He gives her the side eye. "Stop being so obtuse."

 _"He's acting weird..."_ ...that's... what? Jen's lips aren't moving, but that's definitely her voice and her words. Shane's mind jumps to the most obvious conclusion, he doesn't like it and wants so desperately to reject it but it makes the most sense. It would explain the last few minutes so well.

"Jen..."

"What?" Jen pulls her hand back. Now she looks actually concerned, as if Shane's about to tell her his days are numbered or something to that extent.

"I think... I can hear your thoughts..." And the look of concern drops, replaced by a look that screams 'not amused'.

 _"Definitely drunk."_ Shane rolls his eyes this time and oh man is it a mistake. The soft thumping headache amped up into an earth shattering stomp. Shane lowers his face into his hands out of both frustration and pain. He half-screams into his palms.

"Again, I'm not drunk! Not completely anyways..." His voice is mumbled but Jen still understood him perfectly.

_"That's not definite proof... no fucking way he can hear my thoughts."_

"Yes! Yes, I can hear them!" Oh god... Shane sits rights up, headache be damned. He glares at Jen but she doesn't look as disturbed as he would've liked. "You want proof? Here. Pick a number, any number!" It's silent for a moment and then a thought slowly floats over... Shane wants to smack her arm for it. "Purple is not a number!"

"Okay, maybe-"

"I got a lucky guess in? Nope. Try again." Shane finds his frustration mounting, is this what Ryan felt like when Shane discredits his supernatural findings? How he had managed to find the patience to put up with this for so many years Shane may never know. "Okay, maybe... pick a color?" And Shane finds himself again disappointed by the answer but not as surprised. "What do you mean 'Froot Loops'?"

"This is-"

"Getting creepy? Yeah, tell me about it." Jen looks like she is about to lose her fucking mind and she's not even the one with extra voices in her head.

They sit quietly for a while, taking in the cold night air. Jen is processing all the new information, Shane can tell. He can't pick out the individual thoughts but he can feel the gentle swirling beside him. Maybe he can get a better read if he focused.

"Oh my god, you have superpowers!" Jen exclaims like this is the coolest thing to have ever happened. For fucks sake, of all the responses she could've come up with...

"Do I? I'm not feeling so super right now." It's true, he still has a terrible pounding in his noggin and he's not certain that he isn't also concussed. "Plus, it's just the one power."

"We should definitely not be running around telling people about this." Jen puts up a finger, looking thoughtful. Even without his new power Shane knows that she is being genuine. "Just keep it between us for now?"

"Yeah, for sure."

 _"Wouldn't want you to end up in a lab or something."_ The thought is mildly amused yet dead serious. Jen smirks at him, like she's sharing a little secret.

She's definitely right though, this is staying a secret.

* * *

Returning to his normal everyday life with this kind of huge impactful change is more difficult than Shane could imagine. Sitting in the middle of the office, surrounded by people working. The buzzing of the thoughts around him is crippling. He's been mindlessly clicking around the BuzzFeed website ever since he sat down, unable to process any of his own thoughts.

None of the thoughts from his coworkers are intelligible, and Shane doesn't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. While he likes not invading their privacy, the mumbly nature of the psychological noise circling him is hard to bear. It makes him more irritable than he usually is this early in the morning.

Shane recognizes his own annoyance, frustration, despair... and fear. There's this (perfectly rational) fear in him that somehow he is also capable of projecting his own thoughts out, that someone might learn one of his secrets. So far nothing of that sort has happened, which Shane is thankful for. And okay, maybe that fear has mostly got to do with Ryan.

His stupid crush on his Unsolved cohost has bestowed him countless numbers of sleepless nights riddled with anxiety. What if he ruins the show with his dumb infatuation? Shane doesn't think he could forgive himself. He doesn't think Ryan would either. Which is why he kept his mouth shut.

And he's suddenly shown a mental image of... Steven? More specifically, his navel and the area around it... and whoever is projecting into his mind is thirsting hard. Those hip bones, wow...

There's a vague impression of a tongue pressing against the soft exposed skin and moving down... Okay, time to stop! Shane pushes the image out of the forefront of his mind.

Shane discretely scans the room to see if this is based on something that's happening right now and sure enough, there he is. Steven is standing up next to his desk and stretching, his shirt lifts just enough to show the exact patch of skin in the mental image. Shane does a second surveying, to find the perpetrator and... No, it can't be.

Ryan, who is sitting right beside Shane, looks like he's on the verge of... drooling. His attention completely captured by Steven. Shane feels his stomach twisting, he needs to get out of here. He stands up so quickly that it actually manages to startle Ryan, and the image promptly disappears. But Shane's not staying around here, he gotta go somewhere. Anywhere.

He finds his legs walking him out to the patio.

Over the next few days, Shane keeps a respectable distance between Ryan and himself while he tries to get his powers under control. He also slowly trains himself (on Jen) to try and hold back his ability. It's not perfect but it's better than nothing. He can now at least stop himself from reading most of the thoughts radiating out of the active brains around him.

He's only accidentally read Ryan's mind a few times too, far better than the previous unfettered access. Although every time he _did_ hear one of Ryan's thoughts... it's always about Steven, causing him to immediately nope right out of there.

This is not a problem, no, not at all. Nope.

It's not a problem that he has an idiotic crush on Ryan, and then finding out that Ryan has a thing on their mutual friend... and through his brainwaves no less. It's not a problem that Shane can feel his heart slowly tearing itself up as he comes to terms with his unrequited feelings.

And it's definitely not a problem that he and Ryan are about to spend a night in an abandoned (and not at all haunted because ghosts aren't real) cottage, sleeping less than a feet apart because Ryan is a big baby when it comes to the supernatural. There's no problem with Shane knowing that he will be unable to sleep as Ryan tosses and turns restlessly. No problem with feeling the body heat emanating from Ryan, or hearing the sounds of his shallow breathing being way too close.

Nope, no problem at all.

"You okay there, big guy?" Ryan asks as he slides into his sleeping bag. "You look... spooked."

"I'm not spooked, because ghost aren't real." Ryan stops for a moment to study Shane as if trying to decide if that was the correct answer.

"Yeah, yeah sure..." Ryan waves him off, the usual way he does whenever he can't be bothered to argue. "Goodnight, Shane."

"Night, Ryan."

Shane doesn't know how much time has passed but he only just fell asleep when the images come crashing on him. Like a world-ending tidal wave, it sends him hurtling and spinning, dragging hims so far away from his own headspace and into...

_Ryan slams Steven against the wall, both arms at the taller man's sides but Steven isn't fazed in the least. Instead, his sweet smile grows into a taunting smirk. Naturally when faced with such a enticing invitation, Ryan simply can't resist and presses his lips to Steven's. The kisses are raw and demanding, wet and sloppy. The lights begin flickering intermittently. Ever the impatient man, Ryan thrusts his hips into Steven._

Shane feels his own body jolt from the action. This is bad. He wills himself to wake up and he thinks he may have gotten up... but he remains stuck where he is. Fuck sleep paralysis.

_A moan rises out of Steven, he glides his hands up Ryan's chest and stops at his shoulders. In a split moment, Steven pushes Ryan and they both topple over, and land on a queen-sized bed that appeared out of nowhere. Hands are roaming now, breaths are short, clothes are flying, and the bed is rocking._

_Steven brings his lips down to Ryan's collarbone, sucking down hard with the skin between his teeth. A ball of shuddering pleasure shoots down Ryan's spine and Steven chases it. Releasing the newly-formed bruise, Steven is slowly trailing a line of kisses down Ryan's torso, beginning with his muscled pecs and ending at his..._

Damn it.


	2. Paradise

# Chapter 2 - Paradise

Shane can't look at Steven the same way again. As a matter of fact, he can't look him in the eye either. Thanks a lot, Ryan.

For the same reason, Shane has begun avoiding Ryan as much as possible. Outside of filming Unsolved (and sometimes while filming), Shane puts as much distance as he can manage between him and his co-host. He doesn't want a repeat of the _incident_.

Needless to say, both parties who are being dodged picked up on it.

_"Is Shane... avoiding me? No way, you're overthinking again, Steven. He's just busy. I wonder what Ben's up to?"_

Ryan, on the other hand, doesn't let it slide. When he slams his bottle on Shane's desk, it came as no surprise. Shane mentally prepares himself, reeling his mind-reading back to avoid peering into Ryan's consciousness again. But even behind the shroud of privacy he gave Ryan, Shane can feel a violent rumbling, like the ground shaking during a thunderstorm.

"We need to talk."

Shane doesn't want to talk. There really isn't much to talk about but he allows himself to be ushered into one of the meeting rooms anyway. Ryan goes straights for the big seat at the head of the table and plops himself down, before swiveling around to face Shane.

"What's going on?" There's a lot less anger in his voice now. Shane can still feel the storm brewing however.

How is he going to explain this to Ryan? How the fuck is he going to explain that he's avoiding him because he doesn't want to experience anymore weird sex dreams of Steven Lim because he doesn't want to be a creep but more importantly because he doesn't want to feel jealous about it because he has a stupid dumb crush (and maybe more) on Ryan because he's a fucking idiot?!?! How is he going to explain all that?

Okay, explaining the situation isn't actually that hard. But how is he going to do it without getting Ryan to hate him? There's no conceivable way, and Shane really really _really_ doesn't want to change his name and move to Norway and become a sheepherder... so feigning ignorance it is.

"What?" As soon as the words leave Shane's mouth, there's a clap of thunder booming from right in front of him and a strong gust of cold air. Was it... only in his mind or did it actually happen?

"Something's going on with you..." Ryan's eyes narrow and Shane watches as his grip on the armrests tightens. With all honesty, Shane does believe that Ryan actually has the strength to crush the armrests with his bare hands, which means he could easily snap Shane's neck if he really wanted to. But he also believes that Ryan would never do that (the neck-snapping), so what's the worst thing that could happen from incurring his wrath?

"Nothing's going on. Nope, can't think of a single thing." 

Over the many seasons of Unsolved, Shane had managed to hone his 'passive-aggressive parent' voice to exactly hit Ryan where it would annoy him the most. He actually didn't mean to use it here and now but oops, force of habit.

"Stop it, Shane. You're a terrible liar and we both know that something's up with you. So spill it."

Ryan looks about 1000% done with Shane's nonsense with the way he's glaring like he's contemplating murder. His knuckles are slowly turning white from how hard he is squeezes the armrest. And maybe Shane is a little scared for his life now. (He'd never admit it.)

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Bergara. You're going to have to be more specific."

Wow, Shane can't believe how much of an ass he's being right now. He really has no sense of self-preservation, does he? But to his surprise, despite what he said, Ryan actually soften up a little. He lets go of the armrests and leans back, his hands are in his lap and he's staring at the floor like a lost child.

"Things are... weird between us." It's not exactly a deep-cutting sentence objectively but Shane felt a squeeze on his heart. Ryan is upset about the rift between them, and Shane is upset at himself for thinking that Ryan wouldn't notice or care. He is putting strain on their friendship and he wants to apologize. His mouth, however, has different ideas and is starting to run away from him.

"Well, everything is perfectly fine on this end so... maybe it's just you?" Something dark flashes across Ryan's face and he does appear to be genuinely stunned for a moment before his features scrunch up into a scowl. Whatever he says next, Shane knows damn well he deserves it.

"Fuck you, don't you _dare_ turn this on me!!" Ryan roars out at a volume that Shane didn't even think was humanly possible. But what really gets him isn't Ryan's voice, or the fact that he's now out of the swivel chair and has his arms out in front of him, hands clenched and ready to actually fistfight with Shane. No, it's the look on his face.

The look that said 'this will be the end of everything'. 

"I'm just sayin-" Shane starts to explain but Ryan is already one step away from the door. As he swings it open, he stops to give Shane one last glare, punctuating it with a particularly venomous...

"Fuck you, Shane!"

...before leaving. There's an echo of the words emitting from Ryan's brain as he slams the door shut. With all the energy in the room finally drained out, Shane feels his body crumpling like a piece of paper. His legs give and he collapses onto one of the chairs, exhausted and defeated.

That went well. First he loses all hope of dating Ryan... then he loses Ryan. Life is going great!

There's a tiny squeak from the doorknob and the sound of someone opening the door. Shane wants to tell whoever it is to leave him alone but when he sees who it is, his throat seizes up. TJ's leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Shane sighs, as much as he wants to ask TJ for help, he knows it's best not to. The fewer people getting involved in this mess, the easier it is to handle.

"Stay in your lane, Teej. For your own good."

He had expected further questions but TJ simply shakes his head sadly and leaves. Shane remains in the meeting room for another hour or so to brood.

Everything went on as usual for the next few days. 'Usual' being Shane and Ryan still not talking to each other beyond the scope of work, Steven still getting ghosted by Shane (heh, ghost), and somehow Andrew's now angry at him...? He doesn't know exactly why, even though he could. What did he even do? Shane's life is now apparently one wrong turn after another.

And now comes the biggest challenge of all, filming the first Post-Mortem of the season. Getting back into the groove of things is tough enough, it's worse that there's nothing groovy about anything anymore. With all that he is going through, Shane thinks he can be pardoned for crafting a very weak opening episode for the new season of the Hot Daga. (That is if Ryan doesn't kill him before he can begin telling it.)

It's half a miracle that Ryan even showed up at the set, the other half is him being able to momentarily put aside whatever shit is going on between them to film. Even if 'momentarily' meant only up till the second question.

Shane isn't sure what's worse. Ryan being mad at him for being a dodgy little shit or... Ryan being mad at him for being an insufferable asshole who doesn't want to talk about their problems like a normal adult. Right now, he's leaning towards the latter.

Their banter has taken up quite a bite. The usual half-hearted jabs have been dropped in favor of stinging insults, at least from Ryan's end. Devon had left the stage not even five minutes in, claiming she needed to check on something urgent. Even the normally unfazed TJ can be seen wincing several times while hiding behind the camera setup.

"I need to take five," Ryan suddenly announces and he simply just ups and leaves without another word. Hmm, angsty. Interesting. Shane suppose he deserves the cold treatment and verbal abuse he's getting, even if the insults being thrown at him aren't categorically true. Following Ryan's lead, Shane stands up from his seat and starts to move off.

Just as he is about to exit the room, TJ pulls him to the side.

"I was gonna let the two of you resolve your issues on your own but..." TJ drags him back towards the table. He lowers his voice possibly in some misguided attempt at maintaining some sort of privacy. "What the hell is going on between you and Ryan?!"

"S'nothing..." Shane mumbles to himself. 

_"Don't give me that shit, Madej..."_ It's clear TJ was expecting some sort of heart-to-heart but he's looking way too exasperated to even attempt it. _"How do I... Augh! I don't know how to talk about this kind of shit."_

He runs a hand through his hair, Shane can practically feel him combing through his thoughts. They're gloomy and futile, and all lead to dead-ends. The shadows are spreading to other parts of TJ's mind at an alarming rate. Shane had no doubts about how caring his friend is but this is an insight that he never thought he'd see. It's an insight he needed.

"Whatever the hell it is, you need to fix it. If nothing else, the show's on the line here." He's staring at Shane with the stern look that always unnerves him, then he puts a hand on Shane's shoulder and his expression softens. TJ gives him two reassuring pats before making his way out of the room.

TJ is absolutely right, if Shane doesn't fix this, it's gonna destroy the show. And that's the last thing he wants. He needs to do this, if not for himself, if not for Ryan... he's got to at least do it for everyone else around them. He can't be going around making other people's lives difficult all because he's bad at handling rejection.

Devon walks in with a couple of canned drinks in her arms, and a bewildered look on her face.

"Where's everyone?" She's looking all over the place as if the stage is even that large. _"Did something happen?"_

"Uh... we're taking a short break." Shane explains, pointedly avoiding going into details. Devon gives an understanding nod and strides towards him.

"Oh... kay.... Here, have one." She passes him once of the cans. Shane holds it up to give her a little cheers with it and leaves the stage. The instant he is out the door, a stray thought pokes him in the back of the head. It's from Devon.

_"We're sooooo fucked..."_

No, not today.

First order of business: find Ryan. The thing is, although Ryan is a pretty predictable fellow, he's not currently hiding at any of his usual spots. That's annoying. Though Shane supposes he shouldn't be surprised, Shane knows that Ryan knows that Shane knows that Ryan knows that Shane knows where Ryan likes to take cover. So where else can he be?

Wandering around the building without a destination in mind, Shane suddenly finds himself in a secluded hallway with Andrew. He has a mug in his hand, a mere inch away from his mouth but he's not drinking from it... just staring off into space.

He looks... troubled.

Andrew suddenly notices Shane's presence and looks over, he lowers his mug and glares at him. There's a storm rapidly gathering behind his eyes, and Shane shivers a little from the cold air directed at him. 

_"Oh, fuck off Shane!"_ Andrew aggressively pushes past him and stomps off. Shane still has no idea what all that is about, but makes a mental note to try and make peace with him later.

Right now, he needs to stick to his objective. Where in the world is Ryan Bergara? Shane continues investigating the rest of this building to no avail. Alright, time to move on to the next building. However, the instant Shane steps out to the parking lot, something starts bludgeoning his mind to death and he keels over in pain. What the fuck!

Shane clutches his head and tries to make his way back into shelter, but the unidentified assault continues. His legs buckle, causing him to fall onto the rough asphalt. There's a searing pain cutting through his right forearm and the muffled sounds beating him over the head slowly comes into focus.

Someone is screaming his name over and over directly into his mind.

_"-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-SHANE-"_

The screaming stops suddenly, and he heaves a huge sigh of relief. The adrenaline is however still pumping and his heart is still racing. He takes a moment to wipe the cold sweat from his forehead but doesn't open his eyes, afraid that this isn't the end of it yet.

_"Shane?"_

He immediately braces himself for another round of attack but nothing of that sort happens. There's only the sound of a car door opening and shutting, followed by footsteps moving towards him.

"Shane!"

Ryan? What is he doing? A pair of hands steady him, slowly shifting him into a sitting position. He expected the rough road to poke into him through his jeans but no, he's sat on a smooth surface.

When he opens his eyes, they're right outside the door of the building that he just left. When did he get moved here? Ryan is looking expectantly at him with red-rimmed eyes... he's been crying. Why? Shane tries to show concern but Ryan soundly beats him to it.

"Shane? What's wrong? Why were you-"

"It's nothing, just a migraine." Shane interrupts him. He doesn't understand his own stubbornness, even at this stage he's denying that there's even an issue to address. Of course, Ryan sees right through it.

_"Bullshit! It's something serious! Why won't you fucking tell me? Why can't you just talk things through like a normal human being? Why...?"_ Ryan tightens his grip on Shane's forearm, it sends out a short pulse of pain and he flinches. Immediately, Ryan notices and loosens his fingers, only now does Shane notice that he's pressing a red-spotted handkerchief against his arm.

"Shane, please... please tell me what's wrong! Stop acting like everything is okay when it's not!"

An odd sensation is invading Shane's body, it starts from where one of Ryan's hands is making contact with his own bare skin, the feeling is crackling, warm but with a chilling, prickly undercurrent. 

"I..."

The words get caught in his throat, and for the first time since that fateful night, Shane wishes that his power worked in reverse. It would be so much easier if he could just show Ryan what he went through. He tosses around a few different ideas on how to explain everything. Ryan watches him patiently. Maybe he should just start with the simplest thing.

"Ryan, I can read minds..." At once, the warmth he felt vanishes, leaving behind the twitchy electricity.

_"Great, more jokes..."_

"Ryan, I'm not joking!" It's clear from his expression that he's not buying it. Shane can read the irritation right off his face, he can feel its itch too.

"ALRIGHT THEN, READ MY MIND! GO ON, DO IT!!"

Shane hesitates for a short moment, he doesn't have much of a choice here however... so he pushes his mind forward and presses into Ryan's, wading through all the anger, the lust, the fear, the guilt, the sadness to find... an image of himself. 

Shane slowly realizes that it's not just an image, it's a memory. And while he can't recall anything like it himself, Ryan's mind helpfully supplies the context.

It's some point after the very first Supernatural season. They were in a dimly-lit bar, and he was sitting right under one of the lights. The shadows made him look like some sort of cold blooded murderer. It's not a flattering look, objectively. But he looks... beautiful? 

Then it registers in Shane's head that Ryan is the one providing that descriptor. It's Ryan who thinks he looks beautiful, despite the harsh lighting, despite the bags under his eyes, despite his disheveled hair poking out in a million different directions... Despite how he actually looked physically.

Shane starts prodding at the memory, trying to understand it. He had done so many times with Jen, he didn't only practice how to withhold his powers but also tested delving deeper in. Shane is startled when, for the first time ever, the memory pushed back against his prodding.

Is Ryan actually pushing back? Does that mean he can feel Shane's presence in his headspace?

There's something else that comes nudging in, it's sliding in slowly and Shane can't get a good read on it. He wants to snatch it over to inspect but that would be rude. If Ryan is pushing the thought slowly, he must have his reasons.

It feels a little like a balloon, gradually inflating, Shane can feel it move but is careful not to poke at it.

Then it pops.

As it bursts open, memories rapidly flash through his mind. Even though each one has only less than a second of screen time, Shane understood every single one of them perfectly the instant they pass him. The images were clear as day but more importantly, the emotions are on full display. He understands it all now.

These are emotions that Ryan had spent years repressing. Memories he spent years trying to forget. And they slot in perfectly with Shane's own feelings, his own memories, like puzzle pieces falling into place.

The two of them spent so long keeping their own separate secrets, thinking that whatever they felt would never be reciprocated. Little did they know, they had so many experiences in common.

Shane wades backwards, slowly stepping out of Ryan's thoughts and back into the real world. The whole thing leaves him reeling and dizzy from happiness, and seeing the look on Ryan's face, it's obvious he's deeply affected by it too.

There's still one more thing though, as Shane can feel a single thread trying to pull his consciousness back in. Ryan's mind is teetering, he wants to explain the whole thing with Steven but Shane stops him. He already understood, he didn't need an explanation.

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything." Ryan's eyes widen at this and a smile tugs at his lips, and Shane feels his own face mirroring the action. "...but if you still want to suck Steven off-" Ryan smacks him in the arm hard, his face is beet red, and Shane swears he can see steam coming out of his ears.

"SHUT UP!! It was just a one time thing. Yeah, I heard it. I know what that makes it sound like... Shut the hell up, Madej!"

"Make me," Shane taunts with a smirk. And, oh wow... Ryan took that as an invitation and Shane feels neither surprise nor regret, only Ryan's lips against his own.

_"Shut up."_

* * *

"Can't believe you beat me to it," Ryan huffs beside him. He takes an angry sip of coffee while plucking at his shirt, trying to fan away the summer heat.

"You could've said no." Ryan's giving him the side-eye. Shane ignores him and gracefully receives his purchase from the vendor. "Thank you!"

"How? There was a whole fucking crowd watching us!" Shane merely shrugs in response, he knows Ryan isn't actually mad even though he sounds every bit like he is. "Can you imagine their reactions if I said no?"

"Easily, I have an amazing imagination!" Shane brags, holding up his hot dog like it's a trophy that he just won. He grabs the mustard bottle off the stand and uses it as a pretend-microphone. He sings and dances while saucing up his hot dog.

"You know what? Take your ring back. I don't wanna marry you anymore."

"Aww." Shane stops his song and dance, pulling an overly-dramatic pouty face at Ryan's comment. Unfortunately, the mustard bottle is a little leaky and basically throws up on Shane's shirt. "Oh... so much for the happiest place on earth."

There's an outburst of laughter and Ryan is shaking uncontrollably, finding way too much amusement in Shane's little mishap. He startles a few nearby tourist who look on confusedly. Shane merely shakes his head fondly, he doesn't need to read Ryan's mind to know exactly what he's thinking.

"Love you too, Bergara."


End file.
